Saturday, 11 June 2011

Why the lab is a good place to go in event of ZOMBIE invasions...

For a few years now, I've put some serious thought into what I would do in case of a large scale zombie apocalypse. This was mostly due to the sudden increase in zombie themed movies coming out (in my opinion 28 Days Later = scary but cool, Dawn of the Dead = crappy, Shaun of the Dead = AWESOME). Add to this the recently failed rapture and the CDC's extremely useful guide for zombie-related emergencies and I think this is something we all need to consider carefully people. Need more convincing? I suggest you check out THIS.

Thus, behold my list of reasons as to why laboratories are great places to go when zombies start roaming the streets:
  • Secure access: a lot of labs require special swipe cards to get in these days and are generally difficult to get into (high walls etc.), so this serves as a great compound to hang out in without too much fear of zombies getting in (well ones with super strength might be an issue but that's why you have people on lookout to get them before they get too close). TIP: start befriending people with lab access now (i.e., ME*. I accept cookies as tokens of friendship).
  • Biohazard gear: Hazmat suits would definitely come in handy if the zombie outbreak is virus related. If infected there might be just enough time to save you with all the sterilisation equipment available in a lab. TIP: make sure you go to a lab that is set up to deal with a range of biohazard risk levels. 
  • Potential weapons: syringes full of poisonous subtances (for close range), glassware can become sharps, acid, chemicals that could be turned into explosives, liquid nitrogen, the possibilities are endless. BONUS: Animal labs might be useful. Rats for example are super smart, and since they already can be trained to sniff out landmines (true story) you could train them for covert reconnaissance missions - e.g. attach tiny cameras to their heads and send them out to observe zombie behaviour.
  • Help work on a cure while you're there. As you may have noticed I have a survey about what you'd do in event of zombie outbreak, and I'm saddened at the low level of people (N = 1) willing to vote for trying to work on a cure (sadly, that person was me. YES I did vote on my own survey).
I have considered some potential issues though that I have not yet worked out: 
  • How will we get food? Perhaps we could grow things that are somewhat edible while there... but I suggest we stockpile food now just in case. 
  • Comfort: the lab isn't the most comfortable place to sleep. I'm thinking we should save up any bubble wrap/styrofoam etc lying around that came with deliveries of glassware and other equipment to make beds etc. Additionally the bubble wrap can be popped for entertainment purposes in case we get bored.
So there you have it. Call me crazy if you will, but you'll be sorry if the zombie outbreak happens and you didn't give me enough cookies to persuade me to let you in the lab.