Sleep Talking Husband Strikes Again

Due to the lack of interesting things I have to say myself at the moment, I've yet again decided to resort to the sayings of my sleeping husband. This one is from a couple of days ago:

"Stop it you uncultured swine! Shush! ...................shush".

He has jokingly called me (and others) an uncultured swine when awake in the past, as it is a quote from Toy Story. However when he said it this time whilst asleep he definitely sounded serious and annoyed.

As much as I wanted to wake him up to ask about it, I decided not to. Unfortunately he had no recollection of saying this the next day, or the dream that prompted it. So this one will forever be a mystery!

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What's going on?

Hello to any of you who still read this blog (if there are actually any of you besides my mum). I realise I haven't really been on here much lately. It's hard to think of things to post at the moment - I don't have any silly anecdotes, not many science-y things have been happening in my life (well I got a paper accepted which is great, but still no word from my thesis examiners), and spouse wise: things are fine, except Husband had a bad flu for quite a while. Thankfully he's mostly better now. 

As for other people's spouses, my sister is getting married in a week and half. I'm the maid of honour (technically 'matron' of honour I think, but sounds like such an unattractive word so I'll stick with maid), so it has been a busy time the last couple of weeks. Enjoyable of course though. I'm definitely looking forward to the wedding, however I'm not looking forward to the 100 reports that I'll be receiving to mark that same week. 

Because I don't really have a photo to go with this post I'm including a picture of the shoes I'll be wearing with my bridesmaid dress. Pretty, hey!

Job-wise, still nothing. I had an interview via skype about a month ago which was nerve wracking (seriously I clenched my leg muscles so much during the interview without realising that I had aching legs for a couple of days after!). It was a good experience but I didn't get the job. I've also applied for several others and unfortunately I don't think I got those either since I should have heard by now.

So that's what's been going on. 

P.S. As an afterthought, I do have a slightly silly anecdote. The other day I heard Husband coming home from work and I decided to hide behind the door in the computer room to jump out and surprise him. However I forgot that I had left my bag in plain sight so it was pretty clear I was home. He walked around calling my name and I remained silent. Next he called my phone and you could clearly hear it ringing in the bedroom. He kept walking around calling my name, but I waited until he walked into the computer room. When he finally came in and I jumped out, he was really unimpressed. He said since all my belongings were still home and the door was unlocked he thought I'd been kidnapped and he was getting extremely concerned. Oops. I guess I did let it go on for a little too long. 

P.P.S. I just realised that this blog has been going for a bit over two years now. Wow. It doesn't seem like that long.  

Husband Quotes: Sleep Talking Edition #5

I was just falling off to sleep the other night when...

Husband: "Excuse me darling, can you move out of the way for a second please?"

Me: "Okay, where am I moving to?"

H: "Oh, I wasn't talking to you. I was having a dream."

Me: "Who were you calling 'darling' then?"

H: "An old lady at the shopping centre".

I just laughed and went back to sleep. Husband was asleep for that entire conversation, as evidenced by his surprise when I told him about it the next day! Husband often talks to strangers, and if they're older ladies they usually get called something like 'darling'. So I could totally see this dream being enacted in real life. Being an introvert and fairly socially avoidant I'd prefer he didn't talk to randoms, and also the terms of endearment I find a bit weird also! It does make for some amusing situations, however.

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Question for you: would you call a random old lady 'darling'??

A new normal

To my surprise I realised today that it has been five weeks since I submitted my PhD thesis. That means that for five weeks I've been sitting around doing nothing much. Honestly. I've watched a lot of daytime TV in my pyjamas (mostly cooking shows for some reason), attempted some cooking experiments (with varying levels of success) and walked/run on my treadmill a bit. That's pretty much it. It is strange how quickly I've become accustomed to this lifestyle and yet how much time has passed with nothing much accomplished. 

This is me. [via]

I don't like it.

I do think I needed a long break after all the stress of the final couple of months of my PhD. My brain is starting to come out of the fog though and I want to start being active again... and yet at the same time sitting around and being a hermit just seems easier. It's a weird state to be in considering how ambitious I usually am. 

The other difficulty is the uncertainty. Not knowing where/when/if I'll get a job is very unsettling, as this is the first time since I was around 15 that I've had no idea what's next.

At least I have some more undergraduate teaching lined up as of next week. Nothing big or permanent, but something to tide me over until I get some sort of grown up job. Fortunately I haven't been booted from the PhD office yet (often they make people give up their desks once they've submitted) so I may also try to finish writing up my papers when I'm at uni. 

Err, so yeah. That's what's going on with me. What have you been up to? :)

Snippets v2

I tried to make blueberry muffins. I didn't nearly explode my kitchen this time, so that's a win. However the muffins were pretty awful to be honest. I think I need to admit that baking-wise I'm a one-trick pony with the banana muffins and stick to them (I think Husband agreed, but implied it in a much more diplomatic way).

After a few weeks off, I went for a run today. Hopefully I stick with it this time and run more regularly because I do actually enjoy it - once it's over.

A paper that I submitted to a journal came back with the decision "revise and resubmit". I was expecting it to be rejected so this is a pretty good outcome. The changes I have to make are a bit irritating but oh well. The editor said my paper has the potential to be quite important, which was very encouraging because I've definitely been thinking lately that my research sucks!

I'm on an organising committee for a conference in November. I was able to conveniently forget that fact for most of the year, but now that it's pretty soon I don't think that's possible anymore. 

My two-year wedding anniversary with Husband is a week away. I feel old. We haven't organised anything particularly spectacular to celebrate since we had our weekend away a couple of weeks ago as a present to each other. It's weird because it feels like two years has gone past extremely quickly, but at the same time it feels like we've been married a lot longer - in a nice, comfortable way, not in a 'this is really dragging on when will it end' kind of way!

Lastly, I've been laughing a lot at the below youtube clip. It's pretty old, but I love the guys' enthusiasm for rainbows! It has also been turned into a song, which unfortunately has been stuck in my head for a couple of weeks.

 

"What does it mean!?"

Feel free to share any snippets of your own in the comments. You know you want to. 

Snippets

Snip·pet (noun): A bit, scrap, or morsel

I applied for a job today. The position is to be a lecturer in biological psychology at a university in the UK. It took pretty much the whole day to write the application so now I'm exhausted. Good thoughts, prayers, crossed fingers or whatever would be appreciated! 

I don't really like my hair cut now after all. It was good for a few weeks and I received some really flattering compliments (including from you guys - aww thanks). Now it's grown to an awkward mullet-esque length and I'm stuck between deciding to cut it again and just letting it grow out. 

My home laptop has died I think. It's had a good run of about 3 years and luckily I was suspicious the end was nigh so made sure to back everything up. Hopefully I will get a new one soon - my supervisor has nicely allowed me to borrow a lab laptop for a bit so that's what I'm using currently.

Shot from last year's city 2 surf.

The City-2-Surf (a 14km run) is less than 3 weeks away and I have definitely not trained sufficiently to expect to run very much. I enjoy running and I know exercise should be a priority but it is a bit difficult when I've got so much thesis-ing to do! My friend and I have decided to walk most of it, which considering it's 14km is still pretty reasonable. Hopefully we'll still dress up as sporty zombies from the 80s!

I got to be involved in one of my favourite things - a trying on clothes montage. As I mentioned a while ago my sister is getting married next year so my mum and I went with her to give opinions on about 12 wedding dresses. Although fun and some of the dresses looked really lovely on my sister, I believe that the montages on tv/movies do not adequately portray how long and exhausting the day ends up being!

Disturbing fact: foot spas at pedicure places have lots (and lots) of feet cells of previous users clogged in the jets. That certainly does not make me want a pedicure anymore, or help my foot phobia one bit.

Ahh this is so comfortable soaking in other people's feety grossness [via].

My most recent baking disaster the other day saw me ruin yet another pot attempting to make custard. It was burnt so badly we've had to throw it away. That makes three now... oops. In a recent baking success however I made banana bread muffins which were awesome. Husband and I agreed it was the best thing I've ever baked (which perhaps considering the baking disasters doesn't say much). 

I got a 'revise and resubmit' from a journal for one of my papers. That's much better than a rejection so hopefully they'll accept the revisions!

OK that's probably enough snippets for now. Sorry for a not overly coherent post but... eh.

Quirk.

I am afraid of feet. Thankfully it's winter here so feet are covered generally and I don't have to see or think about feet much at the moment, but seriously they freak me out. Generally I think most people's feet are pretty unattractive (no offence), but that's not what bothers me. What I really can't stand is having people's bare feet touch my skin. It actually happens more than you'd probably realise (if feet don't bother you) - under the table when eating, people sitting closely on the lounge or on the floor - it's creeping me out just thinking about it!

AAARGH they're coming right for us!!!! [via]

As someone who studies psychology, obviously I've considered that perhaps I had some sort of foot-related traumatic incident in childhood that haunts me to this day. The thing is, I really have no recollection of such an event. Maybe Freud was right and repression is real, and I'm just that good at making sure this foot memory never comes to the surface... NEVER! 

I also can not endure shoe sharing. The reason I bring this up is that yesterday my sister nicely lent my mother some of her slippers to wear since it was cold, but it really freaked me out. Other people were very shocked and confused at my reaction that I would refuse to give my poor mother some slippers to borrow if she were cold. Sorry Mum but knowing our feet skin cells would be interacting makes me want to vomit. 

Baby feet: allowed.

The problem with telling people is, they then seem to think it's highly amusing to go out of their way to TOUCH ME WITH THEIR FEET. Boy feet are definitely worse, and they are the feet that have been shoved in my face. The thing is though, if someone says they are scared of spiders, do you rush out and find a spider to dangle in their face? I hope not. So what gives? Perhaps the difference is that a spider phobia is really quite reasonable, since well the spider could bite you and you could die (or at least experience some pain). The consequence of people's feet touching me is... tinea or something I guess. Yeah I realise this is a stupid thing to be afraid of.

Ahem. Anyway, sorry about that crazy rant. I will say that for some reason I can tolerate baby human feet (not sure why) and I've forced myself to become accustomed to Husband's feet - though this has definitely not generalised to other people (even his identical twin who genetically has the same feet). 

Do you have any quirks like this that people love to tease you about? Would you try to touch me with your feet if you were to see me in person?

Experiment Fail?

With no experimenting for my research occurring still for a few weeks, I think I've been a bit bored. As such, I've become quite a bit more experimental at home, mostly with cooking. That is, until I came across this blog. Here, a (by all appearances) sensible not-crazy person decided to stop using shampoo and conditioner and start just using bicarb soda (AKA baking soda) and vinegar. I have to say her hair looks actually quite nice, and when I read some of the comments, and found other blogs also saying this is what they did, and perhaps coupled with the fact that I'm still kind of dizzy and going a bit stir crazy stuck at home, I decided - well perhaps this is for me!?

The ingredients I used (though I realised the items are out of order)

From a (sort of) scientific standpoint, the reason behind it kind of makes sense. Bicarb soda is a super weak alkaline and is well known as a gentle cleaning agent, so it can potentially be used as a shampoo when mixed with water. Some people even use it for toothpaste. To stop the scalp from going dry you can also add a bit of tea-tree oil. Vinegar (also known to be used in cleaning) is then used as a detangler/conditioner to counteract the alkalinity of the bicarb and restore the hair's pH. You can then add essential oils to make it smell a bit less vinegar-y.

So after purchasing all the necessary ingredients, I decided to test it out Monday night. As with many of my experiments, Husband allowed me to go ahead, and nicely kept most of his strange looks and incredulous comments to himself. That is, until I came out of the shower after trying it saying "something happened!"

My skin seemed to have a super bad reaction to one of those ingredients (my suspect is one of the oils), because my face and neck became extremely itchy and was bright red with welts. I was pretty concerned, as I had a meeting with a lot of people today, and as post-grad rep I am meeting all the new students for orientation tomorrow. I didn't want to be known as "the one with the weird skin". Thankfully, after a couple of hours the redness and itch disappeared, so it must have been an allergic reaction, and not some sort of burn. It was then that I remembered to actually check my hair, and I have to say - it's actually quite clean and really soft!

I might change the quantities around a bit, and try it one more time. I'll just be a bit more careful to miss my face/neck (since my scalp didn't get itchy or red) now that I know I probably won't die. So for right now, I will say it isn't a total failure, but I'll also be a bit more cautious in future.

Questions for you:

- Has anyone else tried this?

- Do you now see me as a crazy hippy?

- Do you have any similar mishaps to share?  

- Are you relieved or secretly disappointed I didn't share a picture of my skin freak out? 

Dear Teenage Lozzz123

So after enjoying both Kirsti and Gina's letters to their highschool selves, I thought I would jump on that bandwagon when I realised I had plenty to say to the teenage version of myself. How this younger me will actually get this letter however, I haven't decided. I'm either thinking time-travel phonebooth...

[via]

...or letterbox that can deliver mail to the past. 

[via]

(Highschool Lozzz123 loves Keanu Reeves, so it's only fitting that I should use the time travel movies he's been in as inspiration).

Dear Teenage Lozzz123,

Husband Quotes: Sleep Talking Edition #3

I find it amusing that I am sometimes able to have a complete conversation with Husband while he's asleep, and he has no idea later this ever took place (until I tease tell him about it, obviously). 

This was said by him in a sweet, laughing kind of voice: "Fluffy, noooooo!"

I of course then asked: "Who's Fluffy?"

"Some sort of half-penguin, half-duck".

"What did Fluffy do?"

"He... peed on me!"

I of course tried to google "half penguin half duck" and unfortunately no such picture exists. I considered either drawing one myself or some sort of photoshop adventure, but I'm neither that talented or motivated sorry! 

So instead here are cute pictures of penguins and ducks, and you can use your own imagination for what Fluffy looks like (in my thoughts, he's also pink for some reason).

[source]

[source]

100?

[via]

If my calculations are correct, then I believe this to be my 100th blog post. To celebrate I am going to force you to read delight you with 100 things about myself! 

...Just kidding. Just like, 33 things. I have been tagged by both blogs Shades of Shayes and A Quick Succession of Busy Nothings in this 'about me' type post where you're supposed to give facts and answer questions. Prepare to learn more about me than you probably ever wanted to know - hooray (don't worry not in a creepy way I'm not too much of an oversharer)!

Husband Quotes: Sleep Talking Edition #2

Two down, 9998 to go. [pic source]

Just a short-ish one for today [original sleep talking post here]. 

When we were still going out, Husband would often come over to visit and promptly fall alseep as soon as he was stationary (he also fell asleep a lot when we were on the phone - I try not to take it personally)!

One time this is what he said while asleep:

"When we get married I will buy you ten thousand milkshakes!"

Later when I explained what he had said (I was not so concerned this time as to wake him up and make him explain himself), he had no idea why he said that, but maintained that if I did want 10 000 milkshakes he would get me them. I don't drink milk much, so don't really see the need for that many shakes of the milk variety, but it's the thought that counts, isn't it.

Seemed like a good idea at the time...

I did some odd things as a child. It's probably because my frontal lobe was not properly developed enough for me to accurately consider the consequences of my actions, but I like to think that it's because I was a budding scientist, keen to test hypotheses. 

Coffee: not for fingers. [pic via]

Here are some examples:

When I was around 4 years old, I decided to see what would happen if I placed my fingers in a fresh cup of coffee. Burning, is the answer. 

Also around the same age, at pre-school I wanted to see what would happen if I hit someone with my barbie doll. So out of nowhere I just walked up to some boy and hit him on the head with it. It turns out he didn't really enjoy that (as evidenced by all the crying), and neither did the child-care workers. I received a time out, but I don't remember being all that concerned about hurting the poor kid. Well thank God I didn't turn out to be a psychopath with this somewhat concerning behaviour...

...Or did I?

Shifty eyed dog from The Simpsons [via here]

Err, anyway...

When I was a bit older (around 10-11) I went for an investigation of the sewer with some kids from school, just to see what it was like. Not surprisingly, it didn't smell great, was wet, dark and a bit creepy. When I returned home I noticed my previously white socks were now brown from the sewer water. Concerned I would have to answer questions as to my whereabouts (really where else would you be going that could turn socks brown), I threw them out. 

Also around that age, some other kids in the street and I decided it would be fun to ride down a (somewhat steep) hill in the park in our street in a shopping trolley - you'd get in (at least I had the sense to wear a bike helmet) and the other person would give you a push, and then run after you to try to catch the trolley before it rolled into the big ditch at the bottom of the hill. Thankfully nothing bad ended up happening! 

Not tasty, but not awful. 2/5 stars. [via]

Besides all this weird stuff I got up to, I don't think I was an overly naughty kid. Feeling jealous that I'd never said anything bad enough to get my mouth washed out with soap (which was supposedly all the rage at the time) I asked my babysitter one night if she would do it for me, which for some reason she agreed to. I still didn't actually swear mind you. I also don't know what I expected - of course it tasted like I had soap in my mouth, which really although not appetising, wasn't awful. I'm not sure how deterring this would have been had I actually wanted to swear up a storm! 

I guess they all seemed like good ideas at the time, but looking back now some of these things are a bit baffling! Did you ever do similarly odd things as a kid (or last week even)? Please make me feel better about my strange behaviour by sharing in the comments!

Husband Quotes: Sleep Talking Edition

A habit that can sometimes be irritating, but other times very amusing, is sleep talking. Husband talks in his sleep probably once a month or so. There are three main categories of sleep talking Husband does:

1. In Greek (which makes sense, since he is Greek). However this means I have little idea what he's saying then, but he usually sounds cranky in these ones - at least I can surmise that he's not cranky at me since he doesn't often speak Greek with me! 

2. Work (he's a carpenter): so it involves instructions such as "Pass me that (specific type of wood I know nothing about)". These can be fun as I often reply to these and say "sure, here it is!" and he'll thank me. Though sometimes if I do that he says "No, I didn't want that, I wanted (other wood type)!", so then I usually just go "Sorry we're all out of that" to which he just goes back to sleep. 

3. The last category of sleep talking involves just completely random and bizarre utterances, some of which I thought I'd share over a few posts. Here is the first:

One time when Husband (then boyfriend) was at my house he was having a nap while I watched TV. He mumbled something which instantly made me jump up in alarm, it sounded like "I love you Jane" (my name is NOT Jane). "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!" I yelped. Still mostly asleep Husband answered more clearly - "I love you Dean". I wasn't sure if this was better or worse! I made the poor guy wake up and asked again what on earth he was talking about. Apparently in his dream, he was actually me, and I was getting married to a guy called Dean. Not any Dean however, THIS Dean (from awesome TV show Supernatural): 

"I love you Dean" [image from here]

Well, that I can deal with (Husband clearly has good taste for me). Unfortunately for Husband though I've never let him live this down, and every now and then "I love you Dean" features in some good-natured teasing (by not only me, but also some family members since I was unable to keep this to myself obviously). 

Stay tuned for future posts of bizarre sleep utterances (or don't I guess, if you thought this sucked, but why would you think it sucked? Do you hate me? WHY!?!). 

P.S. Until then you can visit Sleep Talkin' Man (where this woman's husband seems to sleep talk every night) - it's very amusing in parts, though be warned some things Sleep Talkin' Man says are offensive/gross/definitely not PG rated.

P.P.S. This was posted with Husband's approval - I am not so mean as to share this without asking!

Advice #2

In a previous post, I mentioned that I am now willing to give unprofessional, potentially unhelpful advice. As promised (quite some time ago actually but let's pretend I didn't take so long) I have finally come up with some answers to some of your questions. You'll be happy to know these questions are not ones I made up myself this time (though don't rule that out for the future)!

Question #1: Dear Lozzz123, You offered advice. I want advice. I am not near as cool as you and though I know I never will be, I was hoping you might inform me as to how I might earn cool points with you and everyone else in the universe, including the plants and the aliens. Please and thank you, Truly yours, With Utmost Sincerity, Uncool Ursula.

Dear Uncool Ursula: Firstly, I'd like to congratulate you on your politeness and flattery. It's always a fine start to getting in my 'good books'. Secondly, after consulting with both the plants and the aliens (once I took off my foil hat, of course) we came up with some simple tips to be more awesome and earn those coveted cool points. These tips are... 

Hold on a sec. Why should I give these tips away for free when this is clearly a lucrative opportunity? Actually, you can get some of these tips following a down payment of $149.95, and you then have the option of signing up for my extra-special coolness classes for the additional fee of $678.84 (per class). Contact me and I'll give you my bank details for a direct-debit transfer.  

Question #2: Ixy asked (without the Dear Lozzz123 but I'll let it go this time hehe...): Why is the sky only blue on weekdays when I'm inside an office building? Where oh where has my metabolism gone? How many eggs does it take to make a decent omelette (thought I'd give you an easy one there)? 

Dear Ixy, I searched the internets for an answer to the blue sky question, and I believe this answer was the best: 

As for your second question on your missing metabolism, I think I actually saw it go past me at the shops on Sunday. It tried to hide with a fake moustache, but I'm not that easily fooled. With regards to the omelette, I use 3-4 eggs for a 2-serving one (true story). 

Question #3: Dear Lozzz123, I'm stuck in a comment factory. Please give me advice about how to escape. Thanks, Oompa Commenter.

Dear Oompa Commenter: Left, right at the second fountain, hide and wait 3 minutes for the guard to pass, then left, left, straight for 30 metres, right at the roundabout, go over the wooden bridge, knock not once, not twice, but thrice at the green door (woe to the person who knocks at the blue one). Once through it's two rights, and a left. You're welcome. 

I think you'll agree that we are all greatly enriched from all that advice. Feel free to ask for more advice in the comments, or go here and fill out the comment form if you'd like to retain your anonymity.

That's boring. You're boring everybody. Quit Boring Everyone!

Well now that I've prepared you for what may be a potentially boring post I will continue (though hopefully I haven't biased you towards viewing it as boring by saying that - am I over thinking this? Have I had too much caffeine? I'd say so). Anyway...

A while ago I read this article about nesting in the office. Some argue that having a clean and clutter-free work desk leads to more productivity, while others suggest that 'nesting' (having personal items, and work organised in a way that is however you want) can make you feel more comfortable and at 'home' and therefore that is more productive. I personally agree with the latter. I am so glad in the PhD office that we each get our own little cubicle that we can decorate however we want. Here's mine in case you're interested: 

Astute/regular readers will notice my 'motivational' Productive June Poster - Sleeping is for Unproductive Losers.

Much to my surprise, that plant (named Artemis Esq.) has been alive in my care since 2008!

This is Percy. He is my favourite solar-powered toy. His little head and feet move and everything!

As you can see, when it comes to decorating I am a seven year old child. I like lots of bright colours and toys. Some people may find it distracting to have all this stuff on their desk, but it just makes me feel like it is my place. Most of the time I forget it's there while I'm working, but it's a good quick mental break (and eye exercise people!) to look around at a variety of fun things.

What do you think? Is 'nesting' productive or unproductive? 

P.S. Thanks to those of you who submitted questions for my valuable 'advice'. I will work on answering some soon! There's still time to ask questions also - HERE!

P.P.S. I have a facebook methingy now! Take a look and be my friend please :)

Advice?

I pride myself on giving un-asked for, un-wanted, un-professional advice. I have no real basis for a lot of my opinions; besides the fact that I'm doing a PhD in Psychology, I have no actual clinical training. Even still, I think I'm a fairly persuasive person, so at least some people go away thinking the advice I gave was useful (whether it was or not really is an entirely different story). Though now I think of it, there was this one time my advice was voted the top answer on yahoo! answers (true story). That's got to count for something, right? 

So with that caveat, I have decided that if you would like to ask me for random advice, I am happy to tell you what I think. There is a contact page you can go to, where you can ask anonymous questions. If enough people (i.e., more than one) have questions, I will go about answering them. If not, well please join me in pretending this whole venture never occurred.

Just so you can be astonished at my advice-giving powers, I have provided some example (read: pretend) questions, so you can see my extremely wise answers.

Question #1: Dear Lozzz123, I'm extremely sad of late, because I have begun to realise that there is no way I will ever be as awesome as you. Please give me some awesome tips, or some ways to deal with not being as awesome as you. Regards, Depressed.

Dear Depressed. I'm sorry you're so unhappy, but at least you came to this realisation sooner than later. There's no reason to live in denial. With that being said, you'll be happy to know your condition is not entirely without hope. While of course, you can never be as awesome as I am (NEVER), you can try to copy me in every way. People will then at least give you credit for not only recognising my brilliance, but choosing the right person to emulate. Otherwise, I hear there's a tribe in the Amazon or somewhere which has had no outside contact, ever. They've possibly never heard of me, so you could go live with them, without fearing the constant reminders of my awesomeness.

Question #2: Dear Lozzz123, do you think I should do a PhD? Thanks, Wondering.

Dear Wondering, Yes. On the other hand, probably not. One of those.

Question #3: to lazz123 ur hott. 

Dear Anonymous, spelling and grammar can be your friends. I suggest you introduce yourself to them. (See what I did there? They didn't actually ask for advice, but I gave it anyway - and see how much I will enrich their life if they take this on board?)

So there you have it. Ask away! 


P.S. I'm may answer serious questions also.
P.P.S. Disclaimer: advice may not be useful or helpful and could potentially make your life worse. Just sayin'.